Kathy's Chaos: If You Give A Kid A Sandwich

Many things my children have done while I've been recovering from my broken foot inspired the following “poem.” My writing style was inspired by the popular children’s book “If You Give a Pig a Pancake” by Laura Numeroff. This column is dedicated to my girlfriend KB who only packs a sandwich and drink for each of her six children’s school lunches – if they want anything else to go along with the sandwich, it is their responsibility. Brilliant!

If you give a kid a sandwich, she will not starve during the school day.

But she’ll probably want a snack to go with it.

She’ll learn to pack her own snacks.

Having to pack her own snacks will teach her where you keep the Ziploc bags.

Finding the Ziploc bags will remind her that she’s hungry for breakfast.

She will look for a clean plate.

She won’t find any. She’ll learn to empty the dishwasher and where to put away all of the plates.

When she’s done putting the plates away, she will wonder whether you signed her homework book. She will go look for it.

On her way to find the homework book, she will realize she needs a pair of socks.

She’ll probably go look in her drawer. She won’t find any.

She will learn that clean clothes may be in the dryer. While she is opening the dryer, she will see her favorite shorts in the dirty laundry pile. She’ll probably want to wear them after school. She will learn how to start a load of laundry.

She will find socks and it will remind her that she doesn’t know where her shoes are.

She will look for them. She won’t find them.

She probably forgot to put them in the shoe basket. She finds them where she left them on her bedroom floor next to a pile of books.

Seeing the pile of books will remind her that she still doesn’t know if you signed her homework book. She will find the book and bring it to you to sign.

When you are done signing, she will remember that she is still hungry and will look for something to eat. She will find where the bagels are, toast one and learn to spread the butter.

Biting into the bagel will remind her that she never finished packing her snack for lunch.

She will pick out snacks and a water bottle and pack them in her lunchbox. Zipping up her lunchbox will remind her that it’s almost time to leave for school and she might miss you.

She will find you and give you a hug and kiss.

She’ll probably say she loves you.

When she’s done hugging you, she’ll tell you about the snacks she packed for lunch.

And chances are, she’ll want a sandwich to go with them.